Working Blue

This may come as a shock to some people out there, but I tend to swear conversationally. It’s not because I like to see some sort of shock cross people’s faces because I said a bad word (although that can be incredibly funny to watch), and it’s not because I have a limited vocabulary that revolves around four letter words (sometimes, that’s true, but that’s generally right after waking up). I swear because, often, the curse word being used is the exact right word. It carries just the right impact at the moment, and it offers up the best descriptor possible to explain the current situation.


I try not to get that crazy in the eyes, but sometimes it happens. Now let me shake my fist in your general direction!

This has, admittedly, created some complications around my house as of late. True, Nugget hasn’t learned words yet, but she’s eventually going to, and the last thing I want to hear out of her mouth the first time is “fire truck” (without the whole “ire tru” part). So I’ve been working on keeping my cursing down, which is getting easier to do at home (and, almost impossible to do when I’m driving somewhere, but that isn’t entirely my fault). This shouldn’t be that difficult, as I’ve got plenty of experience using wordplay to get around the actual words, while still driving home the point. Heck, if done right, people still know what you mean even when you dance around the language, because, well, plenty of them are big proponents of cursing as well. I should know. I’ve been to sporting events.

In many ways, I simply need to think about replacing words from my language the same way I do when I’m out announcing a roller derby event. I may see something happen on the track that causes my brain to immediately enter into paroxysms of nothing but swear words, because it was either amazing or incredibly dirty (or both), but, in my role, I need to keep my composure. It wouldn’t do to turn into Denis Leary on the microphone. Heck, it’s bad enough that sometimes I just can’t help myself, and I let a little innuendo slip out (or in, as the case may be), and then have to wonder how many kids have cable at home, and spend too much time watching it. But, I’m a professional, and I can keep myself from using those words exclusively. After all, there’s a huge difference between a kid learning such language from their own parent (as mine undoubtedly will), and learning it from a public figure (which, I suppose, I’ve weirdly become).

It’s part of the reason why I’ve taken to blogging. This exercise allows me to to stretch my language muscles a bit further than I am able to in general day-to-day speech. And, because I don’t know how many children are finding this (I can’t assume too many as of yet, because my comments section has been pretty decent), I don’t want to start down a course where I casually drop word-bombs left and right. Besides, there are plenty of places online where you can see perfect examples of language peppered with swears (and sometimes, even the occasional non-curse word), and I just don’t know if I’ve got it in me to compete with those who are truly cursing aficionados.

That’s one of the reasons why I have a great deal of respect for a comedian like Bill Cosby. Not only has the man been able to consistently be funny for decades, but he’s been able to do it all while remaining clean. Carlin couldn’t do it. Neither could Pryor. If it wasn’t for cursing, I don’t even think Murphy would have had more than 15 minutes of material for Raw. And yet Cosby continues to keep his language almost pristine. You still know that he’s thinking the words, but he’s not outright going to say them.

At least, not into a microphone. I bet that dude curses like a sailor when he’s playing MarioKart.