So You Got the Stomach Flu

The last couple of days around my house were certainly eventful ones. At least, they were if you allow “eventful” to also mean “not a lot of stuff actually happens”. See, on Monday, HawtWife got stricken with the stomach flu. This lasted until right around midnight, when the bug decided to jump from her to me. Thankfully, Nugget seems to be avoiding this, so we’re hopefully past it, as long as we disinfect the entire house.

See, the way that this particular bug worked through our household was that it started with hours of nausea, complete with more trips to visit the porcelain throne than one would expect. I made a terrible mistake at one point in the night of my initial symptoms, thinking that I would be safe drinking water, because, well, I was clearly starting to get dehydrated. I soon regretted this, as the water didn’t last in my stomach for even a few minutes. But I’m sure you’re not reading this to see about how sick other people have been. Instead, I offer you some suggestions on things you can do if you come down with this, or a similar, illness.

1. Catch up on daytime television.

Finally! Time to see if Maury’s found all of the “not-the-father’s”, and to see whatever it is Joel McHale has to watch to gather material for The Soup. After all, daytime television is widely known as the trashiest of televisions.

2. Shovel all of the snow.

I mean, you’re home anyway. May as well be productive. If you happen to live in a place where they don’t have snow, then, I don’t know, mow your lawn or something.

3. Buy ALL of the things!

Don’t want to step outside? Shop online! After all, it’s the holiday season, and isn’t that the true meaning of this time of year? If you don’t purchase big and fancy enough things, you don’t get kissed for New Year’s. Proven fact (fact is a word that may or may not mean what it normally means in this context).

4. Build furniture.

Sure, you can take the easy way out and build something that’s pre-fabricated. Or you can get a bunch of lumber together and try to cobble together your best bookshelf. Sure, you never took a shop course in your life, but hey, who’s going to tell you how to actually craft something (aside from everyone who’s actually done it before)?

5. Sleep. Like, all damned day.

Seriously, if you end up with a similar bug to what went around our house, this is about all you’ll be able to do. With the stomach discomfort, the headaches, and the dizziness, keeping yourself prone is just about the safest thing you can do, and, to be honest, just about all you actually have the energy for.

So there you have it. I hope that you follow these tips (at least one of them) should you get struck low by this bug, and have a safe and productive sick day.