The Walking Dumb: Dusting Off the Old Writing Thing

Okay, okay. It’s been a LOOOOOOOOONG time since I’ve done any sort of blogging. Even longer since I did it here (seriously, WP, it wasn’t you, it was me). But, darnit, there are times when you’ve just got to get back up on the horse (not heroin… the metaphorical horse) and get back to doing something you’d put aside for awhile. So let’s just see if I’ve got everything in order, here.

Wow. First off, this place is DUSTY. Sorry, folks. I’ll try to do a better job taking care of the place. Things just got a little out of hand, what with the fact that my daughter is practically running now. Also, when you experience a loss of another outlet for your writing, like I did with the sad closure of Poweranks (what, you haven’t read the stuff there? Go check it out while the archive remains!), sometimes you need a step back. So yes, I’ll just clear away a bit of the dust that accumulated on this particular web address.

Let’s see. What else am I forgetting? Oh, yes, writing style. I’m pretty sure I had one of those lying around here somewhere. In depth political analysis? Nope. Clearly not me, and, let’s be honest, not something the net is really looking for. Lackluster poems espousing my love for all things related to grapefruit? Um… no.

Ah, yes. A somewhat (hopefully) humorous take on things that provide interest to me, and hopefully provide interest to others. Generous helpings of snark, skewering of the genre, and stories about Nugget. Yeah, that sounds a bit more like me. Let’s roll with that, shall we?

Now that I’ve got that all taken care of, I suppose it’s time to say “welcome”, or possibly “welcome back”, to those who will take this particular journey with me. I’m going to try to stick to something of a schedule, which should help me focus my thinking a little more. Included in that schedule is one column that already lived here, on it’s regular bi-weekly timeline, along with a couple of columns that previously lived over at Poweranks. Given that I’ve now shifted into a night-time writer, I’ll be posting things from Sunday-Thursday, instead of Monday-Friday, but if you don’t read any of my posts until the next morning, then it’s just like I wrote it just for you before you headed off to work. The schedule, as I’m currently planning it out, is as follows:

Sunday – The Walking Dumb – This column is one of those I’m bringing over from Poweranks, and yes, it will be spoiler filled, at least if you haven’t seen the most recent episode. For those unfamiliar, I’m basically going to go through each week’s “Walking Dead” episode and highlight in my incredibly (un-)scientific fashion which characters or moments struck me as the five dumbest moments of that week. After all, this is a show about people surviving in a post-apocalyptic world. They should be smart. In many ways, they ARE smart. And yet, in the interest of drama, they do some incredibly dumb things. I will be making it my duty to pounce on those dumb things and make fun of them for you.

Monday – The Nugget Chronicles – Ah yes, the column that previously lived here will continue to live here. It’s where I talk about my kid, and the things that I’m experiencing with her. She’s 14 freaking months old now. And I’ve been the stay-at-home parent for the last 7. Things are just getting crazier.

Tuesday – Scared Hitless – Another column being brought over from Poweranks. In this column, I’m going to be looking through horror offerings, and trying to tie a personal story to them. At least, I will where I can actually TIE a personal story. Sometimes, there’s just no way to make something connected. For those weeks, I’ll be skewering and poking fun at the B-level (or lower) schlock that I’m consuming. Movies, video games, books, if it’s horror, I’m going to try and give it a go, keeping in mind that my time to consume such things is minimized by the aforementioned 14 month old.

Wednesday – The Nugget Chronicles – Two days a week. Because I’m fairly certain that she’ll provide me with enough entertainment to keep up that pace.

Thursday – Currently random – This might be some glimpses of Procrastrospection, which lived here before. It might be some skewering of current events. It might just be me screaming into the ether. Or it might be a day where I write something for an hour or so, and then lock it down somewhere on my computer, and not let it see the light of day (yes, sometimes I do plan on writing just for me, and maybe, eventually, producing something that I might try to sell).

So that’s the schedule. Given that, for the last few months, I’ve been writing largely in 140 character limits, it should be fun to get back into the swing of things. And now, without further ado, since it IS Sunday, it’s time for:

The Walking Dumb: Season 4 Recap

I can’t wait, folks. We’re a week away from the premiere of the new season of The Walking Dead. We’ll get to see the aftermath of Terminus. We’ll (probably) get to find out what happened to Beth. Odds are good that we’ll also continue to see Carl morphing from a child that can’t stay in the house to a man who can’t keep his finger off the trigger. Fun times are ahead!

But wait. It’s been MONTHS since Season 4 ended. So much time has passed, we almost forgot that Hershel was brutally murdered before our very eyes. We’re having a tough time remembering exactly who it was that Carol turned into a crispy critter. And we’ve almost totally abandoned the idea of getting lost in Daryl’s piercing eyes and greasy mop of hair. Well, no fear, because, to help get ready for next week, I’m going to give a quick rundown of the top five stupid moments from last season.

5. The Claimed Gang

Truth be told, this group has clearly survived as long as they have because they are playing a game of high stakes, and they’ve all brought M16s to a knife fight. The world they’ve found themselves in is where only the strong survive, and one of the surest ways to prove your strength is to eliminate those who might stand in your way. When not eliminating their foes, this group has made a point of trying to salvage everything that might be useful and isn’t nailed down, so long as someone else in the group doesn’t claim it first. However, they had members who tried to out-redneck Daryl. Not a smart move, and we all saw how that ended up.

4. Tyreese

No, Tyreese isn’t being singled out for the way he reacted to the burning of Karen (THAT’S who Carol torched… thanks, internet!). He isn’t being drawn into this conversation for this overall reluctance to fight until it was clear that there were no peaceful options left. Tyreese is (perhaps unfairly) placed on this list because I’m a dad. That sums up my reasoning, plain and simple. He’s shown giving the children in his care instructions that should keep them alive. And then he IMMEDIATELY does the exact opposite. He also leaves an infant in the care of a couple of kids not that far out of diapers themselves, all so he can go bang bang with his silver hammer on a pretty thin chance of doing anything OTHER than crushing zombie melons. Hopefully, in Season 5, he learns that kids follow what you do more than what you say (which is why I need to make sure that my daughter never hears me laughing when she happens to string together swear words).

3. Bob

Good ol’ Bob. Good ol’ struggling-with-the-demons-of-alcoholism-while-being-burdened-with-the-knowledge-that-you’re-the-sole-survivor-of-a-few-different-groups Bob. And yes, Bob actually got to find a relatively happy place during the season, realizing that he actually wasn’t all alone again. But remember that alcoholism thing mentioned above? Yeah. Look, I get it. The fan is definitely being covered left and right in fecal matter (and the guts of both zombies and your friends). You’re fairly certain that you’re the rabbit who’s missing the lucky rabbit’s foot. Sometimes a drink seems like a pretty good idea. However, when you almost jeopardize your entire group while out on a mission to retrieve needed supplies, and then almost DO IT AGAIN? Welcome to the Walking Dumb, Bob. Enjoy your stay.

2. Glenn

Yes, in many ways, Glenn is the “heart” of The Walking Dead (much like Troy was the “heart” of Community, and an actual blood-pumping muscle is the “heart” of the human body). He seems to be the one that audiences want to identify with in many ways, since so much of what he does can be traced to one pure emotion; his undying love for Maggie. And yet, as any true romantic will tell you, the heart can be fooled, and certainly shouldn’t be trusted when there are hordes of undead around trying to eat you. Glenn almost found himself in more trouble than he could work his way out of, simply because of his single-minded devotion to trying to reunite with Maggie. Yes, Maggie, the girl that he couldn’t even be sure was still alive after the events of the prison. When Glenn finally met up with some people who could assist him, he almost drove them away, or got himself seriously injured, because he refused to accept that they actually might be ont he right path to saving everybody. Yes, Glenn is very sweet, and his romantic side should certainly get praise. Just not when it’s almost getting everyone within 10 feet of him killed.

1. Rick

Oh, if you’ve been following the show at all, and if you followed my writing on it, you knew this was coming. Rick, the leader. Rick, the farmer. Rick, the guy who’s still working through a lot of stuff (and things) about how his wife is gone, his best friend tried to kill him, and his kid is becoming a cold-blooded warrior. Rick started the season more focused on farming than trying to help weed down the numbers of dead amassing at the prison fences (and look how well that worked). He ignored that Carl was quickly becoming one of the best shots in the group, and tried to steer him straight towards the soybean fields, instead of the killing fields. Rick, who kicked Carol out for doing what was actually a pretty logical thing, heartless and cold as it might have been. Rick, who decided that he doesn’t make the decisions, despite then deciding that the decision to decide should really be his decision again. And, finally, Rick, who thought he’d outsmarted the good grilling folks of Terminus, before literally allowing them to drive his entire group straight through their trap. Now, odds are good that Rick will still come out of this situation with his shooting hand still intact. Honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way, because, without Rick, the rest of the gang would REALLY have to step up their game when it comes to being absolutely moronic.

So that wraps up a quick look back on Season 4. Did I leave your favorite character off the list, or your favorite dumb moment? Feel free to let me know! And get ready, folks, because the new season of The Walking Dead is almost upon us, with even more stupidity around every corner.