The Walking Dumb, Fear It!: The Real Prediction Post

Hey gang!

A few weeks back, this space was filled with a crazy, probably wholly inaccurate predictions post for things that could be expected to happen during the first season of Fear the Walking Dead. See, the problem with that predictions post is that there was so little known about any of the characters. That just begs for speculation, completely wrapped up in crazy and impossibilities. Naturally, now that we’ve spent a couple of episodes with our newest gathering of Mensa candidates, it only seems fitting to put together a more believable predictions post, based off of what we know. So let’s roll with that, shall we?

FTWD5. Chris

Chris will proceed to spend the entire season documenting everything with his camera, and his videos will receive a large number of views on YouTube, at least for a week or so. Unfortunately, every video will also have the same “fake” comment posted to it, which will be traceable to Merle. In a gripping scene we’ll see evidence that Merle visited Los Angeles, and that “fake” is the only word he knows how to type.

4. Alicia

Alicia is the savior of the season. This does not mean that she is the character that makes the season worth watching, but instead means that she is the one who feels that everyone has to be saved. She will continually make attempts to save the doomed from their imminent demise, only to be called back time and time again by another character of the main cast running danger of choking on their own vomit. It will later be revealed that Alicia is unaware of the uses of ipecac, and that the rest of the characters have been drinking it on a regular basis just to keep her safe.

3. Travis

Travis will attempt to prove that he is a people person. Unfortunately, because he’s absolutely terrible at it, this will result in only Madison ever being willing to speak with him. The final scene of the season will be Travis, walking alone through the infested streets of LA, somehow being ignored by all of the zombies, because they’re too irritated with him to even be willing to bite him.

2. Madison

Madison will find a way to communicate with the recently deceased, and attempt to use this to amass an army of zombies. This is all done to get vengeance on another suburban mom who accidentally took her latte a couple of weeks ago. Also, Madison will end up killing more zombies than anyone, because she’ll be the only one cold-hearted enough to actually follow through. She will later be seen around the Washington, D.C. area, and will snap one Carl once again leaves the house.

1. Tobias

Tobias is an anomaly with regards to the rest of the cast. Sure, he got hung up on the knife, and sure, he’s really not in any sort of shape to make it too terribly long in the zombie apocalypse. By the same token, he understood the need to stockpile goods, and, while the knife is meek, it did showcase an understanding of the importance of melee weapons, instead of just firearms. What does this mean for our acne-faced teen? Isn’t it obvious? Somehow, Tobias makes it, defying all of the odds, despite not having any real skills. He eventually grows a glorious mullet, and then finds a wormhole that allows him to travel into his own past. So as to not cause time complications, he journeys away from Texas, and takes a new name: Eugene.

That’s our predictions, with the characters that we’ve come to not really know, and can barely tolerate. We’ll be back with more of their exploits next week, folks. Stay tuned! Only a few more weeks until we get back to the big show!

*Addendum: You’ll notice I didn’t mention Nick. That’s because Nick isn’t real. He’s clearly just Rick’s coma-induced fever dream. After all, only someone in a coma would make sure that a drug addict was the first person to see a zombie.

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