The Nugget Chronicles: The Water Bottle Incident

Last night, I took Nugget out for her first movie experience. It was a movie in the park, so low-impact. That’s not what today’s post is about.

Earlier today, I recorded a portion for my first podcast. Because HawtWife is away in the Biggest of Apples, it was just me and Nugget hanging out, and she decided that she wanted to take part, as well. That is ALSO not what today’s post is about.

Last week, Nugget and I went with some friends to a local zoo. We’ve been to the zoo a number of times, so this was no big deal, right? This IS what this post is about. Think of it as a cautionary tale.

So, let’s just flash back to last week. Nugget and I have our normal morning wake-up procedures down, she eats her breakfast like a champ, she even allows me to eat my breakfast. Everything is going swimmingly. The time comes to head out of the house, so I get everything I can think of packed away into her diaper bag, I grab the Nugget, and off we go. The briefest of naps is taken while we’re driving to the zoo (brief because this particular zoo isn’t terribly far away from our house, so there wasn’t really time for her to get a good set of Z’s going). Things are going just great. Heck, I’m even super proud of myself that I grabbed a pouch of food for her, so that she could have her afternoon snack outside surrounded by other people. We were going to treat the zoo like Nugget’s personal restaurant patio, and life was good.

Well, after a short time at the zoo, it became clear that Nugget was getting thirsty. No problem. I’ll just dig into her diaper bag and get out her sippy cup. No, not the bib. No, I really don’t need the burp cloth. Oh, hey, so THAT’S where those shoes went. I don’t even know if this shirt was ever hers. Now where’s that sippy cup?

Um, seriously, where’s that sippy cup?

This is the moment where it struck me. I had clearly packed up everything we needed, so I must have left it in the car. Except there’s no way that I did that, which means I cleverly decided to stretch my improvisational muscles by wisely leaving the sippy cup Nugget needed at home.

No worries, right? After all, she’s totally had water from standard bottles before. Heck, she’s actually not terrible at drinking from wider mouths, so this won’t be a problem. I’ll just go and buy a water bottle from the zoo (for the low, low price of a mere pinky) and I’ll get Nugget all hydrated.

Yeah, she USED to be fine drinking from a wide mouth. Now, well, she’s been so used to drinking from straws and actual sippy cups, she’s decided that the water bottle must be a larger straw than she’s used to. So Nugget proceeds to place her mouth completely around the bottle’s opening. She understands physics enough to know that she needs to tip the water bottle back, but, because she’s got such a good seal, no real water is coming out. That is, of course, until she gets frustrated, and pulls the bottle away from her mouth.

Yes, with it still somewhat tipped. She got water into her mouth for her to drink, but she also got a decent amount all over her shirt. And my pants (she was sitting on my lap at the time). This was clearly highly amusing, because she did it a couple more times before I could really get the bottle back under my control.

About that. “Control” is a strange term to use when talking about a baby. While I may have been holding the water bottle, but to say that I had control is a huge lie. In truth, it allowed Nugget to use both of her hands to clap. Except there was this pesky water bottle in the way. Not that she was going to let the water bottle stop her. Instead, she put her hands on both sides, and squeezed. Repeatedly.

This action created an eruption of water from the water bottle. Naturally, because I was still somehow under the delusion that I had everything under control, the water splashed all over her, and quite a bit got all over me. I mean, it was a clever tactic to get a little bit of a cool-down from the summer heat, but there were clearly better ways to do it. And, because I was still somehow believing that I had everything handled, I decided that Nugget was clearly still thirsty, the water bottle was raised to her mouth, and the first experience from the afternoon with regards to the water was just repeated.

Look, I have never claimed to be a smart man. I make a lot of silly mistakes. And yet, I’d like to believe that, generally, I learn from these mistakes. Apparently, this is not true when we’re talking about my interactions with Nugget. In fact, if anything, I might just go ahead and make the same mistakes over and over again, especially if they aren’t hurting her, and they are actually pretty funny.

Because, after all, if you can make your kids laugh, and it isn’t really doing any harm, that’s a pretty good day, right?


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