Normally, here on the Nugget Chronicles, things are kept a little bit lighter. Heck, normally anywhere here on Rhetoric for Breakfast, the mood is kept lighter, because it’s generally more fun that way. Admittedly, since I started taking care of Nugget during the weekdays, the blog has become pretty much entirely Nugget Chronicles, but that isn’t a bad thing. It just means that I’m so busy taking care of her, I’m not thinking of a lot of other things to write about. However, today’s post is a little more somber, because of a realization that’s been spinning in my head.
Poppyseed would be right about a year old sometime this month.
See, Nugget wasn’t the first time that HawtWife and I found out that we were being blessed with a child. In fact, because of what had happened previously, we were a little overly cautious throughout all of Nugget’s gestation. A couple of summers ago, we were frantically in the search for a house, and we’d been looking for months. We stumbled across an amazing house for us, which we were lucky enough to be able to afford, and we began the process of getting ourselves ready for the move. Right around that time, we also discovered that HawtWife was pregnant. Our big plans and hopes for our married life were falling together, and we were even able to do it in the order we had hoped (marriage, home ownership, baby).
As we had our pre-house-warming (also known as the “have a couple of friends over to see our house for the first time”), it was mentioned that, often, new houses are often coupled with announcements of new babies, at least in some of our guests experiences. HawtWife and I looked at each other, but kept our lips sealed. After all, it was just recently that we’d learned that we were expecting, and we knew it was WAY too soon to really tell anyone. The timing of the comments was a little surprising, but, well, people knew that we’d been planning to raise a family at some point, so why not get a jump start right after moving into our house?
Eventually, we got everything moved into our house, started to get settled, and plotted out what we’d do with each room. We started referring to the baby as Poppyseed, based off of the fact that, according to general commentary, that was about the size she was. And yes, we referred to her as “she”, even though it was far too early in the game to really know one way or the other (we also referred to Nugget as “she” pretty much from day one, and we happened to be correct there). HawtWife had her appointments, and, we had a couple of ultrasounds.
To be honest, we had no idea what we were doing. We actually scheduled our first ultrasound “too early” (for those playing at home, 6 weeks is earlier than you should really be trying to get an ultrasound done). HawtWife and I went in, filled out our paperwork, and sat nervously, waiting to see what information we’d learn about Poppyseed. Because of how early in the game the first ultrasound was, there was very little information they could get, but we were able to hear a tiny little heartbeat, before the technician told us that, while she couldn’t be certain, there seemed like there was a chance that there’d be a second baby in there.
Knowing that twins are something that could happen within our families, HawtWife and I left the appointment full of excitement, and trepidation. After all, we were still really new to being homeowners, and we knew that there was a bunch of stuff we wanted to get done. Also, would we really be able to handle twins? True, we’d always wanted two kids, and we’d joked about the whole concept of having pregnancy being “one and done”, but we still weren’t sure. Besides, because of how early in the game the ultrasound was, we needed to keep level heads, because there was a fair chance that what looked like it could have been a second child was just something confusing the machines. At that point in the game, there was really no way to be sure.
We didn’t have another ultrasound for three weeks, and, during the interim, we went about our lives as normally as we could. We got our house situated. We helped friends move. We continued going out and doing things. HawtWife was taking things easier than she had in the past, but nothing too drastic. And, again, we’d almost had friends accidentally get us to let slip that we were expecting. The next ultrasound appointment came up, and we were incredibly excited, because we’d learn more about Poppyseed, and we’d find out if there was a second baby in there, as well.
That was when things shattered a little bit in our world. During the ultrasound, the technician let us know that she wasn’t able to find a heartbeat. None at all. We went from wondering if we were having twins to knowing that we weren’t having any baby. To make matters worse, HawtWife’s body had held onto Poppyseed, which meant that we had to get her in for surgery. Now, as we learned shortly after the fact, this type of miscarriage happens frequently enough to not be considered rare, and our surgeon was fantastic during the whole thing. But, well, we were certainly freaked out. Add to that the fact that we started to question if we’d done something wrong, or if maybe we weren’t even able to have kids of our own, and it was a definite time of concern.
About that. Miscarriages happen. A lot. While they aren’t the expected course of events, they are far from uncommon. In many of those situations, there’s absolutely nothing that could have been done by the mother to keep the child from miscarrying. Think of it this way. For many women, they generally start having their period in their early teens at the latest. If they wait until around 30 to get pregnant, that’s almost 20 years of their body being taught to clean out monthly, instead of actually making the baby and having everything adhere and progress. As terrible of an analogy as it is, think about if you had a car that you didn’t drive for 15 years. Things probably wouldn’t go very smoothly the first few times you tried to drive it. Again, this is a terrible analogy, and isn’t at all accurate, but it’s one of the things that we use to help explain everything that happened. It’s a way to put our minds at ease.
It was definitely a hard experience for us, but, again, thanks to the medical staff involved, we were put a little more at ease. We were informed that there was nothing we did wrong, and, thanks to the magic of the internet, we learned a little tidbit of knowledge which helped even more. Recent research has shown that, when women get pregnant, no matter whether they carry full-term, or they miscarry, part of the baby’s existence fundamentally changes things within the mother. In other words, Poppyseed may not have made it into her second month, but she imparted something to HawtWife, something that would always be there.
Yes, sometime this month would have been right around the time that Poppyseed would have turned a year old, and, well, as hard as it was to know that she didn’t make it, she did help pave the road. Shortly after we were given the all-clear from the doctors, we got pregnant with Nugget. And, well, Nugget made it, partially, I like to believe, thanks to guidance from her older sister. Every day with Nugget has been amazing, and she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met. While a part of me will always wonder what Poppyseed will have been like, I now get to spend a lot of time getting to help Nugget discover her own truths. And, if we needed to lose Poppyseed to get Nugget, then at least we know that she left us an amazing gift.