The Nugget Chronicles: Vanity Sizing

The HawtWife and I refer to the Nugget fairly often as HulkBaby. This has less to do with her turning green and ripping through purple pants than it does with her overall size. True, our perceptions are a little skewed, because she’s our first baby, but, even with that, it’s not like we haven’t seen other babies before. We’ve even had moments where the Nugget has gotten to spend time with her friends (we term them that, because, at this age, she doesn’t really get to choose her own friends. Her social circle is entirely composed of our adult friends, and their little ones, if they have them), and, the ones she’s close in age to, she seems to be larger than. We’re not concerned, but it does help to reaffirm that our referring to her as HulkBaby even when in utero was totally the correct stance to take.


This will be her first phone. She’ll still be able to put it in her pocket.

As she’s been out and about in the world, we’ve noticed that she just keeps getting bigger. This, apparently, is (spoiler alert!) something that babies do. Like, non-stop. I guess that’s what you get for continuing to feed them. After all, even though it seems hard to believe, clearly not ALL of the food that they’re ingesting is coming out the other end in the form of some sort of toxic material.

Anyway, Nugget started out as a big baby, and she’s just continued to grow. One thing that hasn’t, however, is clothes. It seems a little weird, because vanity sizing is a thing that totally happens in the adult clothing world (except for those strange things that use measurements, but, come on, who’s got time for that?), and it doesn’t happen at all in the world of baby clothing. Or, if it does, it seems to go in a different direction.

For example, Nugget, who is not quite three months old, is currently wearing a NINE month onesie. And it fits her like a charm. Sure, some of her pajamas have a little extra room in the feet, but the arms? And the legs? And the torso? Totally fits perfectly. We’d already retired all of her three month onesies quite a while ago, and now we’re looking at retiring her six month ones. At this rate, I fully expect her to be wearing HawtWife’s clothes by the time that she’s 2, progress into my clothes by the time she’s 3, and then move on to needing to get a team of magic animals together to make clothes in her size by the time she’s starting school.

Either that, or we need to invest in magic, stretching fabric. Like the kind worn by Elastigirl in The Incredibles. At least then, she’ll be covered.

Until she becomes a teenager, and has to have a second set of skimpier stretchy clothes in her locker at school.


One thought on “The Nugget Chronicles: Vanity Sizing

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